We often don’t realise how little we are listening to our partners, we are listening instead to our internal response and getting ready to defend. We need to fully hear the message our partner is sending so that our partner will feel really heard.
When you are discussing something that triggers strong emotions, learn how to mirror their words and slow down the dialogue. When you mirror, instead of react by responding with defensive language and behaviours that says “you are wrong”. You instead repeat back what they say as best you can which lets the other know that you are listening to them. That they are heard and respected.
If you have something important you want to discuss with your spouse or partner, asking “Is now a good time to talk?” can make a big difference. It gives the other person a “heads up” that you want their undivided attention, that this is important to you, that you want them to really listen to you. It also shows that you are respectful of their time and are not assuming that they are available on your time schedule. If your partner or spouse says no, it’s not a good time, accept that and ask for an appointment within 24 hours when he/she will talk to you.
Do one caring action for your partner each day. One act of kindness or thoughtful action. Do it as a “gift” for her or him without expecting anything.
Your Relationship Matters.
Brisbane Imago Relationship
Invite your partner to dialogue and practice “an ideal hug” taking it in turns. “Couples who talk and play and laugh together feel closer and more connected.